stressfreemum

For all the girls who can't say no...

 

I've found a great way to calm yourself down is to light a candle... concentrate on the flame... and just slowly breathe deeply in and out. It is really rather hypnotic. And it certainly helps you slow down both your mind and body.

 

Yet it's hard to type by candlelight, so I'm posting this blog entry with the lights on.

 

Truth be told, I am in need of the deep breathing, candlelight, relaxation thing. The pressure is mounting. And it's a good time to talk about the virtues of saying 'no'.

 

I officially stopped work a week ago. Yet since then certain jobs have refused to lie down and die. Give you an example - I finished a project last week. Hurrah. Only to find that at the 11th hour two sponsors pulled out. No dosh. Credit crunch. (Silent scream).

 

So what should I do? Spend time finding new sponsors? Or pass it back to my client with a 'sorry, but my contractions have started - see ya'.

 

A few years ago I'd have gone for option one and moved hell and high water to find replacements. But nowadays I am older and wiser. I have a baby arriving in a few weeks. I need to get ready. Buy nappies. Write a birth plan. Practice posing for photos in ways to disguise my pregnancy weight gain.

 

So I went for option two and handed it back to the client. I explained that I had done the work. But that someone else had pulled out. And that I couldn't spend any more time on it. 

 

Of course, she was great and just took on the project herself. I'm sure she didn't need the extra pressure. But she had to get on with it. There's no negotiating with a 'bump', after all!

 

Saying no reminded me of when Daisy was born. We didn't want visitors in the early days cos we were all over the place with Daisy's colic. In addition breastfeeding wasn't coming easy and I certainly wasn't ready to do it in front of well-meaning friends and family just cos they arrived at feeding time!

 

But you wouldn't believe how much people want to see your new baby. Of course they don't mean to be pushy - they want to share in your joy. But the first few weeks can be difficult. So despite emails explaining that we couldn't cope with visitors for now, they just kept coming - knocking on the door unannounced as they were 'just passing'.

 

Our wonderful NCT teacher, Maxine Goswell, had warned us about this. So thankfully I'd given some thought on how to say no without causing offence. I stuck to my guns, asked people to wait, explained again and again that we weren't able to do the visiting thing for now, but that we'd let them know the minute we were. I think women are 'trained' to be accommodating, so saying no in such circumstances can feel be uncomfortable. But if you want to hang on to your sanity, it's something that every new parent has to learn.

 

I have my last appointment with the consultant tomorrow. I am keen on having a natural birth (with, of course, lots of deep relaxing breathing). So we need to finalise a few details. Like whether you can take candles into the delivery suite. And whether they let you blog in between contractions (must charge the laptop battery)...

Swollen ankles and velcro shoes...

It’s just under a month now til my 2nd baby is due. Am I relaxed? Yes. And no.

I’m certainly more prepared than the first time. A bit of experience always does wonders for your self confidence. And this time round I know what to ask for and what to put up with. For example, I know to insist on skin to skin contact the moment the baby is born. No washing or wrapping. Just me and the bubba with Daddy really close. But that's all to come...

One thing’s for sure, Mother Nature has started playing tricks on me. This morning, my feet and ankles had swollen to the width of my knees.

Now it is generally accepted that an hourglass figure is an attractive shape for a woman. But I don’t think they mean on the lower limbs. I look like a relative of the elephant man.

The ‘medicals’ in your life will call this oedema - an accumulation of excess fluid under the skin. And it is very common in pregnancy. But it can indicate the serious condition pre-eclampsia. So if you experience it, call your doctor or midwife for further tests.

I had the swelling last time too. And it got pretty bad. None of my shoes fitted in the three months before the birth and I actually had to go and buy special shoes that were 100% Velcro fastening – even over the toes. Every week I’d have to let them out a bit more. (Rrrrrripppp). The shame.

By the way, type ‘velcro shoes into Google and you get 695,000 results. Who knew?

Ironically your best defence against saggy ankles during pregnancy is to drink lots of water to flush the excess fluid out, and keep your feet elevated higher than your heart.

Not easy to do this if you are typing, (I am trying as I write, honest, but it requires the abs of an Olympic gymnast and the absence of a bump).

But my stress-free tip is to put a couple of pillows under the foot of your mattress so that you are lying at a ‘drain my ankles’ angle all night. By the morning, things can be better (although you perhaps risk having developed a huge face!).

Good news. When Daisy was born, my feet de-swelled. It was the equivalent of feeling you’d lost about 10 stone in a week. Although (bad news) my feet ended up a size bigger than they were before. Which (good news) meant I had to buy a whole new wardrobe of shoes.

I’m looking at Daisy while I type this. She hasn’t got a clue about how her life is going to change in a few weeks. Forget stressed mums. It’s going to be a massive change for her too. And she hasn’t had the benefit of going through it all before...

Calling all stressed parents...

 

Want to know the secret of stress-free parenting? Hang about, and we'll find out together.

My name is Andrea Sangster, I'm 8 months pregnant with my second child, and I'm a director of the Stress Management Society in the UK.

With my link to The Stress Management Society, you'd think that I'd have been a pretty chilled mum first time around. (Picture the scene... little angelic Daisy gurgling happily in a baby sling as her serene mother knocks up flapjacks for the relatives when they descend at a moment's notice).

The reality was somewhat different. A baby that wouldn't gain weight, a health visitor who muttered darkly about inefficient milk supply, post natal depression for me, three months of colic for Daisy, a week of gastro enteritis for both of us where every surface in the house got covered in some projectile vomit or diarrhea. No sleep. No time to cook. No time to jump in the shower. (Oh God what WERE we thinking?)

As time went on, I learned ways of coping. (Had to really, or I'd have ended up in the funny farm.)

But now we’re about to start the journey again with baby number 2. So this is my chance to see how much I learned, and share it with others who might find it helpful.

Besides which The Stress Management Society is doing much more work with parents to help them through the stresses of parenthood. So I've got some great source material to help others survive the stress of having kids...

My baby's due date is 21 March 2009. So let's see how we get on!